Article: Sydney Morning Herald, January 5th, 2008
Beat the heat with Dustin, corn and a science experiment
William McInnes.
Dustin Hoffman didn't really seem to care, and who could blame him. It was hot outside and it was nice and cool inside the cinema. Still, the woman who I took to be the mother of the loud boy who threw popcorn at people in the cinema like confetti at a wedding thought that Dustin might.
"Stop it. Troy, STOP!"
The fact that she screamed it must have made some dent in Troy's desire to share his popcorn. "Yes ... he is mad ... now sit down, he's mad!" she pointed to Hoffman.
Troy looked up at Hoffman on the screen in a considered way, thought about life and then threw some popcorn up at him. "Troy!"
Nobody seemed to care really, least of all Hoffman, who hammed away merrily in a bizarre film about a toy shop. It was a family movie. That's why I, my daughter and two of her friends were here. Plus it was more than 40 degrees outside in Melbourne.
The film was secondary, everybody seemed to agree, even the actors. Led on by Troy's example, a couple of people started making plans for New Year's Eve.
"Well, why can't we just head off to the caravan park on New Year's Eve instead of Sunday?" asked a woman.
"Because Mum wants me to pick up Craig and the two cats," said the man.
Hoffman laughed in a supposedly endearing way as Natalie Portman and her eyeshadow stared back at a cute kid in the film. A pause, then the woman behind spoke. "Well, text her that Karen can pick up Craig and the cats ... "
"Karen?" said the man.
"Yeah, Karen is going down that way, get her to do it. That woman is a midget."
She was talking about Portman. She did look incredibly tiny. And the man agreed about Karen and Natalie.
"Karen. Good ... she is tiny. She's a bit odd ... like a science experiment."
There was silence and then Troy started running up and down the aisle two rows down. Nobody seemed to care. It was that floating period in all Australian cities between Christmas Day and New Year when time seems to expand and the temperature seems to soar.
Holiday time, it's 40 degrees and everybody is trying to get over Christmas gorging. It's cool and dark in the cinema, so nobody really cares. You can tell that by the films people make. Usually they are unremitting tripe with no point. Trying to find one that a "family" can enjoy is another thing. And what is a family movie? On a hot day you are governed by the nearest session time and the lowest movie rating. It was either this thing with Hoffman and Science Experiment Portman or Aliens Versus Predator: Requiem, which caught my eye because it was listed under the banner of "good-time, summertime movie fun!"
"What's it about?' said one of the kids in front of us to the teenage ticket collector.
In a breaking voice the teenager read out the synopsis. "Two of the greatest demons in movie history face off in a unique and originally exciting battle to the death." Summertime movie fun indeed. We ended up with Dustin.
But summertime movie fun isn't about original masterpieces. It's about making lots of money.
Maybe that's who decides what a family movie is - some person in an office who thinks more people will pay for more family combos.
A family movie seems to be a flick where only half the characters end up like chopped chicken livers and popcorn is shovelled down throats or thrown across the rows courtesy of Troy. In fact the movie trade seems to be a lot about making money from onselling and tie-ins.
The Sydney writer Ray Devitt told me once about going to a movie convention on the Gold Coast where a man stood at the podium and told the audience he had the cure for the ailing profits for the movies in Australia.
People leaned forward. What was the gleaming advice about the secret of filmmaking in Australia? The man declared that a new form of corn kernel had been developed that popped up into a fluffier more cost-effective product. "We use less but make more!" cried the Popcorn Movie Man. He received a standing ovation.
I thought of that man when I dropped my sunglasses and went down on my knees to find them. I peered under rows of comfy recliners. There was the trash and treasure of a day at the movies, all swept under the chairs. I groped and felt dropped drinks, melted choc tops and gooey crap I don't want to think about. I picked up my glasses and saw a lolly snake stuck on the lens.
I held the snake up to the flickering light. It seemed to look at me. The man behind got a text message. "Karen can do Craig."
Troy threw some more popcorn. "Troy!"
Nobody cared. Not the bloke who discovered the magic corn kernels and least of all me and Dustin and The Science Experiment. It was 40 degrees outside and it was cool in the cinema.
And my daughter and her friends were laughing. Life doesn't get much better.
William McInnes.
Dustin Hoffman didn't really seem to care, and who could blame him. It was hot outside and it was nice and cool inside the cinema. Still, the woman who I took to be the mother of the loud boy who threw popcorn at people in the cinema like confetti at a wedding thought that Dustin might.
"Stop it. Troy, STOP!"
The fact that she screamed it must have made some dent in Troy's desire to share his popcorn. "Yes ... he is mad ... now sit down, he's mad!" she pointed to Hoffman.
Troy looked up at Hoffman on the screen in a considered way, thought about life and then threw some popcorn up at him. "Troy!"
Nobody seemed to care really, least of all Hoffman, who hammed away merrily in a bizarre film about a toy shop. It was a family movie. That's why I, my daughter and two of her friends were here. Plus it was more than 40 degrees outside in Melbourne.
The film was secondary, everybody seemed to agree, even the actors. Led on by Troy's example, a couple of people started making plans for New Year's Eve.
"Well, why can't we just head off to the caravan park on New Year's Eve instead of Sunday?" asked a woman.
"Because Mum wants me to pick up Craig and the two cats," said the man.
Hoffman laughed in a supposedly endearing way as Natalie Portman and her eyeshadow stared back at a cute kid in the film. A pause, then the woman behind spoke. "Well, text her that Karen can pick up Craig and the cats ... "
"Karen?" said the man.
"Yeah, Karen is going down that way, get her to do it. That woman is a midget."
She was talking about Portman. She did look incredibly tiny. And the man agreed about Karen and Natalie.
"Karen. Good ... she is tiny. She's a bit odd ... like a science experiment."
There was silence and then Troy started running up and down the aisle two rows down. Nobody seemed to care. It was that floating period in all Australian cities between Christmas Day and New Year when time seems to expand and the temperature seems to soar.
Holiday time, it's 40 degrees and everybody is trying to get over Christmas gorging. It's cool and dark in the cinema, so nobody really cares. You can tell that by the films people make. Usually they are unremitting tripe with no point. Trying to find one that a "family" can enjoy is another thing. And what is a family movie? On a hot day you are governed by the nearest session time and the lowest movie rating. It was either this thing with Hoffman and Science Experiment Portman or Aliens Versus Predator: Requiem, which caught my eye because it was listed under the banner of "good-time, summertime movie fun!"
"What's it about?' said one of the kids in front of us to the teenage ticket collector.
In a breaking voice the teenager read out the synopsis. "Two of the greatest demons in movie history face off in a unique and originally exciting battle to the death." Summertime movie fun indeed. We ended up with Dustin.
But summertime movie fun isn't about original masterpieces. It's about making lots of money.
Maybe that's who decides what a family movie is - some person in an office who thinks more people will pay for more family combos.
A family movie seems to be a flick where only half the characters end up like chopped chicken livers and popcorn is shovelled down throats or thrown across the rows courtesy of Troy. In fact the movie trade seems to be a lot about making money from onselling and tie-ins.
The Sydney writer Ray Devitt told me once about going to a movie convention on the Gold Coast where a man stood at the podium and told the audience he had the cure for the ailing profits for the movies in Australia.
People leaned forward. What was the gleaming advice about the secret of filmmaking in Australia? The man declared that a new form of corn kernel had been developed that popped up into a fluffier more cost-effective product. "We use less but make more!" cried the Popcorn Movie Man. He received a standing ovation.
I thought of that man when I dropped my sunglasses and went down on my knees to find them. I peered under rows of comfy recliners. There was the trash and treasure of a day at the movies, all swept under the chairs. I groped and felt dropped drinks, melted choc tops and gooey crap I don't want to think about. I picked up my glasses and saw a lolly snake stuck on the lens.
I held the snake up to the flickering light. It seemed to look at me. The man behind got a text message. "Karen can do Craig."
Troy threw some more popcorn. "Troy!"
Nobody cared. Not the bloke who discovered the magic corn kernels and least of all me and Dustin and The Science Experiment. It was 40 degrees outside and it was cool in the cinema.
And my daughter and her friends were laughing. Life doesn't get much better.
posted by WilliamWatch at 8:29 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home